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Thursday 2 February 2023 Dublin: 10°C

# Humour

All time
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules - on 'Endaism' (ignoring the worst-case scenario)
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland contemplates the usefulness of looking on the bright side. Incessantly.
# Work Can Wait
The burning question*: How do you hang a toilet roll?
This and every Monday, let TheJournal.ie distract you from the ‘serious’ news with one of life’s REAL dilemmas. (*not really)
# Opinion
Column: Cardinal Rules - On Bertie Ahern vs Steven Seagal
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland was torn between the Bertie interview and a Steven Seagal movie on TV – and learned that the two men are not as far apart as you would think…
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules - Making sense of this crazy world
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland copes with the break-up of the wholesome group Boyslife – and the reunion of the Stone Roses.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules – How to wave goodbye to the IMF
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland rubbed shoulders with the likes of Bono, Enda Kenny, Eamon Gilmore and Gabriel Byrne to learn three very important things…
# Race for the Áras
Undecided about the Presidency? This might help...
The Corrigan Brothers apply their lyrical curiosity to the seven candidates for the Áras. Well, we said it MIGHT help.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules - The Dana and Gay Mitchell wars
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland has to intervene when his troops split over supporting Gay Mitchell or Dana in the Presidential race. “Fr Ryan blacks out some of Gay’s teeth on a poster…”
# short film
Watch it: Friday at the movies
This week, TheJournal.ie presents Jelly Baby, an unusual take on how to deal with a crying baby, for your viewing pleasure.
# Work Can Wait
Learn bike safety through the medium of... rap
Irish kids had Judge from Wanderly Wagon to teach them about road safety – American kids of the 1990s had rap. White rap.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules – There’s a guy outside my Tesco swears he’s Jesus
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland has a house guest – a bearded young man who wears sandals and speaks in Biblical tones. It couldn’t be… could it?
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules – on Sinn Fein’s presidential campaign
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland is greeted by the Martin McGuinness supporters – but it all goes terribly wrong…
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules – on the annual trip to Knock
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland brings the priests on their annual pilgrimage to the Mayo shrine. But is one of his clerical flock tempted by a (not ‘Our’) Lady?
Voices
Column: Cardinal rules - A day in the life...
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland talks us through his typical day – it’s not all smiling at old ladies and driving around in the mini, you know.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules – On keeping the FF dream alive…
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland blesses a new hotel for old pal and ex-Fianna Fáil TD Mattie O’Moore – and learns a little about humility and the value of the JobBridge scheme.
Voices
Column: Nine months' pregnant and heading to Electric Picnic? Don't.
Journalist and writer Colin Murphy recalls the year he and his heavily-pregnant partner camped it out in Stradbally – and how they were lucky their child wasn’t born in a field. And called Electra.
# falling for you
Don't try this wedding proposal at home...
It may be a fake but nonetheless this death-defying proposal might still give people ideas…
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules – On tour with Il Papa
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland heads to Madrid to see his Holiness work the crowd and find his inner rock star.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules - A diocesan fiscal crisis
The (not) Primate of All Ireland documents his efforts to make ends meet – with a little help from David Hasselhoff…
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules - Gaybo for President?
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland writes that (not) Bishop Brady is upset to discover that the man who hosted the ‘Bishop and the nightie’ debate could be running for the Áras.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules – Croagh Patrick for purists
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland details the trials of the recent Reek Sunday – where fun has started to ruin the penitential tradition beloved of (not) Bishop Brophy.
# Fake Twitter
The best fake Twitter accounts
It may not be big or clever, but is certainly is funny – we pick some of the best fake Twitter accounts.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules – On defending Morrissey
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland has to play peacekeeper in the terrible row over Morrissey: “an undisputed genius” or “a big mountain of stupid”?
# in photos
Caption comp: Tee-shock Enda takes a swing at Rory glory
What could the Taoiseach and the US Open champion be saying to each other? You tell us….
# Realism
Yao Ming explained, Taiwanese news style (video)
Chinese Basketball superstar Yao Ming retired this week, but unless you’re an NBA fan or a resident of the People’s Republic, you’re unlikely to know much about him. The geniuses at Taiwanese site NMA.tv have created a tidy animation to help you out.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules – What happens in Lourdes, stays in Lourdes…
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland embarks on the annual parish pilgrimage… but will everyone get home safely?
# Vacancy
NEXT! Six possible caddies for Tiger
Steve Williams’ departure means Tiger’s in need of a new sidekick. We’ve come up with a list of six people the great man would be crazy not to audition for the job.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules – The lesser-known story of Zacchaeus
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland retells the tale of the short tax collector who climbed a fig tree to see Jesus – but wasn’t so hot on inviting Him back to the house for dinner…
# love-in
Amanda Brunker tweets video review of Amanda Brunker book by guy taking off Amanda Brunker at Oxegen.
Confused yet? Oh here, just watch this….
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules - Keep your Oxegen, we have Priestopalooza...
The (not) Primate of All-Ireland has no intention of heading to Punchestown this weekend – he’s still recovering from a Declan Nerney-inspired stampede at the ‘Weekend for Jesus’ music and prayer festival…
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules - On helping the Pope to tweet
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland is drafted in to help his Holiness to get to grips with Twitter. “He receives a tweet from the Dalai Lama. ‘Dude,’ it says. We just ignore it.”
# caption comp
Caption competition: When Eamon blessed Enda
The Government partners have to work closely together. But we still don’t know what they could possibly being discussing here…
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules – On how to organise a social media protest
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland tries to mobilise The Bebo, The Twitter and The Facebook to protest against a “shocking” art exhibition.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 28) - On my pal Padre Pio
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland marks the anniversary of Padre Pio’s canonisation with his recollections of their boyhood friendship… and their caravan holiday in Tramore.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 26) - Running the Parish newsletter
The Not Primate of All Ireland hands over the running of the newsletter to a colleague. Hilarity, inevitably, insues.
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 25) On breaking bread with the Queen
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland records the royal goings-on at the State dinner for Queen Elizabeth II at Dublin Castle. “I eventually manage to distract Enda Kenny with the bread basket…”
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 24) On the joy unconfined of watching Jedward
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland relates the excitement among the Fathers as they settled in for last night’s nailbiting Eurovision semi-final: “We decide to do the Rosary early to get it out of the way…”
# Caption Competition
Caption competition: Who's the Greatest?
Taoiseach in fighting form on New York trip – but watch who you’re taking on there, Enda…
Voices
Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 23) On the beatification of Pope John Paul II
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland gives us a peek at his diary from the Vatican last weekend:”We are as excited as a bunch of schoolgirls on their way to a Cliff Richard concert”.
# kenny kutz
Enda Kenny: Whip My Hair
Taoishock of hair provides moral support for Jedward’s Eurovision bid. Maybe.
# Caption Competition
Caption competition: War is over?
Blessed were the peacemakers at the 1916 Rising commemoration today…